Keeping the romance flourishing

Keeping the romance flourishing

Dear JOY! My husband and I hardly ever have sex any more. So much has changed in our relationship and none of it is good. I don’t see it getting any better. Why can’t things just stay the way they were? Can you make me a love potion to make him fall in love with me again?

signed: Desperate housewife

If everything stayed the same then how would anything improve?

Relationships are organic, they have to change and grow or they risk stagnating and dying. People sometimes fall into the strange belief that once they have found their mate they can stop trying; they are just going to live happily ever after without any further effort.

It’s like planting a garden, caring for all the plants with love to ensure they will grow, then when they do, leaving them to fend for themselves against the weeds and the sun and the dust. It makes no sense.

There is a lot left unsaid in your letter. Think about what has happened in your marriage before he started losing interest. How much time have you been devoting to him, and to yourself? How much have you been caught up with other things believing your relationship can wait, that there will be time for it later?

I understand how hectic life can be, and how our priorities can become skewed, which is why its’ so important to take stock every now and then, as you are doing, and see what needs attention.

Here are the ingredients to make your own love potion.

Get back to remembering all the things you love about him – and tell him about them every day.

Remember all the things he loved about you, and see if they are still present, polish them up!

Spice up your sex life! Especially if your partner has high cheeks bones – this is the trait of adventure, the higher and more clearly defined the cheekbones the greater the need for physical change and adventure. To us, a rut is only a few feet shallower than a grave. The way to keep a high cheekboned person faithful is to ensure your relationship stays new and interesting – trust me!

Surprise him at the door wearing some outrageously sexy lingerie. Turn your bedroom into a boudoir by billowing some material from the ceiling – a couple of nice sarongs and a few thumbtacks do wonders, so do lots of candles. Kidnap him and take him to a beautiful place in nature and have your way with him! Experiment with sensation play, fur and feathers, beads and leather. Rent the film 9 ½ weeks and reenact the kitchen scene. HAVE FUN for goodness sakes.

Think about it logically, who would you want to come home to; someone who is delighted to see you and excited about sharing time with you because they love you, or someone who is angry and suspicious because you aren’t spending time with them?

We do things because we want to, you once wanted each other enough to make the \decision to spend the rest of your lives together. That’s not where the story ends, it’s where it begins. It’s time to rediscover the romance and keep it flourishing.